The Problem With United 93

In the coming year, we have not one, but TWO movies coming that chronicle the details of September 11, 2001, both having extremely unimaginative titles. "United 93" and "WORLD TRADE CENTER." Being a nigh-genius, I think I'm the only one who sees something wrong with this.

First (and I'm sure I've said this somewhere before), from a historical standpoint, September 11 was like...two weeks ago. It hasn't even been five years in actual time, and they're already making a movie about it. It's not like Pearl Harbor. 1946 was at least two past lives ago for me, but I'm halfway sure that Hollywood wasn't trying to profit off of something that they weren't done dealing with overseas.

At the time, war movies were popular, but that was more propaganda than anything else. Not to mention wholly imagined. No, these movies are supposed to be an accurate account of a traumatic experience that most of America happened to watch live on TV. And unless they're going to really expose the government's hand in the whole thing, I don't see the point in even getting into it.

The bodies are still steaming in their graves! It's too soon!

Paul Greengrass (i believe that's the director's name) says some BS about this movie being a reminder of the terrible events that took place that day. Like we need another reminder. I guess to him, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, The Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel, A&E, and the institution of American politics in the 21st Century aren't enough. Not to mention all those digital cable channels that I can't afford to have. Hell, every fifth time Bush opens his mouth, it has something to do with September 11th. It's almost like the politicians believe that every time they mention that day, an angel gets his wings. Or Baby Jesus grows another tooth. Either way, it's something that those guys never have a chance of seeing unless they have fire-proof telescopes and binoculars in Hell.

You know how I know it's too soon? One of the guys involved is STILL ON TRIAL!!! IT'S TOO FUCKING SOON!!!

See, here's the litmus test for movies like this. If a politician can insult his challenger in an election about what he didn't do during the time in question and it helps him win the election, it's too soon. That's why Pearl Harbor and Titanic are okay (unless they're being graded on the "good movie" scale). Hundreds or thousands died, but so did everyone else who's old enough to actually remember it. So there's no one to bitch. Which means, by my sliding scale, the movies about September 11th shouldn't be made until about...July 14, 2109. I'm not going to consider death until around that time.

So Hollywood filmmakers, don't try to blow smoke up our asses about how it's been long enough to tell this story. We KNOW the story. You know how why it hasn't been long enough? The news stations still do "Remember" specials every year. So, unless you're going to expose something that we DON'T know (which you aren't), can't you just let us forget about it for a little while before you rush a movie out that will help you refill the money-spouting fountain in your living room?