I Can't Believe I Rented It: I Am Legend

Never let it be said that I'm not open minded.

Having seen one too many of my favorite properties get completely mangled in the translation to film, I can completely understand the anger fans directed at Will Smith's I Am Legend "remake."

Imagine that you are a fan of something and it's very near and dear to your heart. In some way, you're constantly referring back to it; it has left an indelible mark on your life. It is an inspiration to you as well as a source of entertainment. You know it inside and out and debate the finer points of it with other fans. It's your favorite or if not your favorite, it's somewhere close to the top of the list.

Then, some Hollywood director says that he wants to make a movie of it, whatever it is. He promises that he'll stay true to the spirit of the original and even says, "I'll have some special nods to the fans in there." A couple of years pass and you go see this movie. And while it passes for a movie, there's nothing about it that could be confused for the original. For the sake of argument, we'll give this movie a name: How about, "I Am Legend?"

For the record, "I Am Legend" is the second butchering of Richard Matheson's book, "I Am Legend." I haven't seen "The Omega Man," the first butchering, but I have read Matheson's book, and I can say this: They would have been better off calling this movie "Will Smith is the Last Negro on Earth." It would have been a way more accurate description.

I envision the brainstorming phase for this movie going a little something like this: 12 movie executives, a director, and two screenwriters are sitting around a conference table discussing how to approach their "I Am Legend" project. One of them says, "Perhaps we should refer to the book. You know, take the movie back to its roots." Everyone agreed, so they each pulled out their copies of the book, read the back cover, and wrote down "Robert Neville," "Last man on Earth," "vampires!" and decide to take a three-hour lunch. The books are thrown in the incinerator by the cleaning crew, never to be referred to again.

It's not like "Jurassic Park," where they pretty much just changed the ending for their movie so they could make it family-friendly, or like comic book movies, where they change the details, but the major beats stay the same. "I Am Legend" is a completely different beast in every way. It's like if someone made a movie about the crucifixion of Jesus, only Jesus is white, the entire deal happens in Nazi Germany, and he gets crucified by Attila the Hun after a dramatic space battle at the bottom of the sea.

Having said all of that, though, I liked "I Am Legend," even if it was described by many as "just three hours of Will Smith and his dog." Kevin Smith once said that he liked to watch Ben Affleck just run around, doing stuff, and if that's how you feel about Will Smith, then that's pretty much what you're going to get. It's a movie about Will Smith being Will Smith. There are some emotional moments and I thought it did a good job of being entertaining. It's probably how most people would react to being the last man alive...assuming they were also an emotionally stunted, man-child, super-genius.

It's more or less just a different take on the same concept, but it's enough to make true fans of the book want to find the director and smash a series of cinder blocks over his head until he's unable to destroy anymore fond memories. Believe me, "I Am Legend" fans, I can relate. I had to sit through the "X-Men" movies.

I give this movie four out of five jiggling fat kids.