I don't think it's any secret that I'm not a fan of remakes. I think they're at a point where they're ignoring original scripts just so they can remake something instead. Doesn't matter if it was good or well-known, which means the announcement of the "Ghost Dad" remake should be coming any day now.
I think the thing that bothers me most, though, is that they're remaking movies that were released in my lifetime, that I remember watching as a kid. It used to be that movies were remade because the original was so old that it needed to be made current so modern audiences could appreciate it. I get why they remade "King Kong" and "The Day After Tomorrow." Nothing against the folks who made those, but in a world where "Avatar" exists, those movies looked like shit. Even "Planet of the Apes" was pushing it. It probably needed to happen.
But "The Karate Kid" came out in 1984, not 1948. It wasn't a sci-fi extravaganza or anything; no dinosaur technology that needed to be improved upon. It was about a kid who kept getting his ass kicked by bullies. I didn't think anything needed to be updated in that story because I'm pretty sure America's feelings on bullying hadn't changed, unless Muslims are involved. So when I finally got around to watching "The Black Karate Kid," I was all ready to tear this movie to shreds.
Then, the movie had to go and be all enjoyable and shit. Thanks for ruining my day.
Sure, the villains were faceless sociopaths (these kids are fucking scary) and the soundtrack was crap (I mean, "Bieberific"), but other than that, it was a good movie. I just thought that the bad guys were missing the charm of the Cobra Kai. There was no overacting from the sensei, and no obnoxious henchmen. I don't even think they bothered to give the bad guys individual personalities, which makes sense, because it's not like Americans were smart enough to tell any of them apart.
I was just looking for that "Sweep the leg," moment and it wasn't there. I mean, I'm sure they said it, but it was in Chinese. To my uncivilized American ears, "Sweep the leg" sounds exactly the same as, "We're out of toilet paper." I can't quote their lines, because for all I know, they were actually saying, "Sprinkle some foot powder on it."
But that's okay, because Jaden Smith had enough personality for everybody. It was like watching a little Will Smith, only if Will Smith's acting had never developed past "Independence Day." All of the sarcasm and all of the goofiness of a young Will came out in this movie, and I gotta admit, I kinda dug it. Jaden did a great job.
And one place where this movie exceeds the original is the fight scenes, which is to be expected, because we're living in a post-Matrix world, and Jackie Chan is playing Mr. Miyagi. Or Mr. Han, because he's Chinese. Whatever. But this isn't 1984, where some flying kicks are enough to impress folks. No, they got these kids jumping off walls, doing all kinds of crazy shit; trying to kill each other. And I believe they really were trying to kill each other, because almost everyone in this movie is fucking miserable.
Jackie Chan almost never smiles, which is hard to believe, because it's Jackie Chan. If he could smile in three movies with Chris Tucker, I figure the man could smile through anything. But he's all sad, and Jaden spends half the movie picking his teeth out some some Chinese kid's Nike, so he can't be the ray of sunshine. Even his girlfriend is up and down, but she should be glad she's even alive and not rotting in a landfill somewhere. Everyone knows that the Chinese hate girls.
Taraji P. Henson smiles all through the movie, because she's living in her own little world, staring at all this Chinese shit with wide-eyed wonder. Then again, her character is from Detroit, so at this point, she'd probably be impressed with a trip to Nashville. But because everyone else is terminally depressed, about midway through the flick, I wanted to grab her and ask, "Bitch, do you see what's happening here? These motherfuckers are crazy." Then, I would rub up against her until security took me away, because it's Taraji P. Henson. Damn, she's just ridiculous.
One other good thing about the movie is that they show what China actually looks like, without the Chinese government trying to block our view with umbrellas. They actually humanize China a little bit, which is impressive considering the Chinese characters themselves only seem to be able to express one emotion: Punch.
No, it's not MY "Karate Kid," but it doesn't shit all over it, either. It can actually sit on the same shelf as the original, which is more than I can say for "Karate Kid Part III." I mean, really. It was the "Rocky V" of "Karate Kid" movies. In this case, they made me like a movie I was all prepared not to like, which either means they actually did a good job or I'm getting soft in my old age. My "Transformers" review is only five years old. My anger couldn't have died out that quickly. Either way, I gotta give them credit for "The Karate Kid."
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